Odds, Bobs, Hammers, and Tongs
presents
“In The Group Room”
Waverly Hills Psychiatric Hospital, somewhere in America. Seven women wait for group therapy with Dr. Lee.
The Professor: is a 30-something perfectly groomed tenure-track academic. She is dressed in a tight-fitting stylish business suit. She is a compulsive note-taker.
Pearl: is an opinionated and narcissistic, but lively 84 year-old. She is dressed conservatively.
Grace: is a 43-year old writer who, without any proof, secretly believes she was adopted.
Rebecca: is in her late 60's and tries to dress her age; stylish but not ridiculously youthful.
Rena: is a 40-something librarian.
Sally: is a 60-year old high school guidance counselor. She's usually quite put together, but lately has appeared a bit disheveled.
Bridgette Collins: is a 60-year old energetic but slightly eccentric character. She prides herself on being in control but is a few degrees off plumb.
The Professor: Is Dr. Lee going to be long?
Sally: You look a little uncomfortable. Are you embarrassed to be here?
Prof: No…I…have a lot of things to take care of. The usual… Paperwork…emails…phone calls….
The professor starts to scribble on her notepad as if making a to-do list.
Pearl: Your other engagements may have to wait, for a while.
Sally: Patience is the key. Trust me, It takes time to get used to everything.
Pearl: And everyone.
Prof: How long do these sessions last? I’m sorry I might have misunderstood. Dr. Lee said…
Bridgette: You’re beautiful.
Prof: Oh, thank you.
Rebecca: You’re so exotic.
Prof: What do you mean? Is there something wrong with the way I look?
Rebecca: No, you’re perfect. When I see beautiful people, I like to make them feel special.
Prof: I see. (pause) It’s dry in here, isn’t it? That can’t be good for you.
The professor takes a jar of skin cream out of her bag and starts to rub it into her hands.
Pearl: That’s a lot of cream. You must have very soft hands.
Prof: Am I bothering you?
Pearl: Not me. I believe in moisturizing as frequently as needed.
Prof: Dr. Lee shouldn’t make us wait like this.
Grace: What does it matter? We’ve got nowhere to go.
Prof: Well, I do. I have a lot of things to do. I can’t waste my life waiting for a doctor who can’t be bothered to show up on time.
Rebecca: Dr. Lee is very nice. She has a degree from Harvard.
Prof: I don’t care where her degree is from. She’s still late and that’s not okay.
Rebecca: Have you had your energy field checked lately? I think you have some stale energy.
Prof (sighs): Oh please! Leave my energy and me alone.
Rebecca: I have a friend who’s a healer…she can clear it up for you.
Prof: I think it’s best if you clear up your delusions. It really disturbs me that good people like you spend so much “energy” following all these new-age gurus when you could be getting a real education.
Bridgette: She’s mean. I say we get rid of her.
Prof (calling out to a nurse who is passing by): Is there a reason why I’m in here with these women? I thought I was going to have a private session with Dr. Lee!
Grace: You think you’re better than us, don’t you?
Prof: No, I do not. (pause). We’re all here for a reason and I respect that. (pause). Forgive me, I’m usually not this unhinged.
Bridgette: Unhinged. I like that word. Un-hing-ed.
Prof: (looking out to the door) Where is Dr. Lee? She needs to do something about the temperature in here. It’s making me faint.
Sally: While we’re waiting, why don’t I start us off in some mirror exercises? We love these, don’t we, girls??
Prof (hesitates): What? No....
Sally: They’re really simple.
Prof: Yes, I know. I’m familiar with them. You see, Dr. Lee and I spoke and I told her that I don’t believe in the underlying philosophy behind mirror exercises. There’s an element of threat involved in them that’s dangerou…I mean…inhuman.
Sally: I sense a little resistance! That’s very normal. Why don’t we try to push through your fear?
Bridgette: Push! Push!!
Prof: No, please, go ahead without me. I haven’t slept all week and I have these bags under my eyes that make me look …Seriously, I’m perfectly happy to learn through observation.
Grace (mimicking Prof): “No please, go ahead without me!”
Sally: I think you should give it a try.
Prof: Please, I appeal to your compassion. Don’t make me look!
Grace: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all?
Rena:
For I have heard a voice as of a woman in travail…saying, Woe is me now!
O woe is me, t’have seen what I have seen, see what I see.
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